It is the glory of God to conceal a thing;

But the glory of kings is to search out a matter.
- Proverbs 25

I had never heard the molecules of my body scream.  No one ever told me of such a thing.  As the intense weight crushed my body, as I laid flat on the ground trying with all my might but failing to merge it with the ground, I heard all my cells, and all the molecules within me all scream,

“Get Me Out Of Here!”

I had already given up trying to stand, much less kneel.  Even though everything within me wanted to leave, here I was immobilized by the weight upon me, crushing everything.  The weight was not only on top of me but also from within me.  The intensity I can not describe.  (To this day, just typing about it still brings dread upon me.)  I had never experienced something like it.  Suddenly in this state of total dread, bewilderment, fear, and unable to move, the realization of what was occurring hit me like a moose being struck by a truck in the dead of night.  Fear engulfed me!

I was undone!  I said but found that I could only speak within my mind.  My voice and lungs could no longer even breathe under this weight.  My thoughts ran wild, “surely I am Dead, yeah I'm dead, I am going to die, this is how I died, I am dead.”  I don't recall how long I was under this weight for I understood somehow, time no longer mattered and I was no longer in any place on earth.  Surely I was dead now, I reasoned within myself.

But I was NOT dead, unable to move, I kept my eyes shut, thinking like Indiana jones, maybe if I don't see anything, I might survive?  But then I HEARD.  I heard all the voices, all in perfect unison but yet all distinct and unique.  How this is possible, I can’t explain, somehow I knew the earthly physics of sound no longer applied.  They were as one but one could hear them individually as well.  Both humans, the elders, and angels I could hear them saying in one accord.  Hearing them saying what they say, made me realize that surely I had died already or surely about to be dead. They said, “Holy Holy is the Lord, who was and is and is to Come.”  (just typing those words, still brings a fearful shaking within me.)

I was undone at that point.  The only words I can say is that the Holy majesty and reverence was unbearable.  Even with my eyes shut, the light surrounding me pierced me to the atom level.  Nothing was hidden.  The light that surrounded me, I remember it to this day!  It was this blueish-greenish hue but so intense, piercing anything and everything.  I had surrendered to the fact that I was dead and this was now the end of me, the final judgment is what I thought I was in.

Yet, I wasn't dead.  After what to me seemed forever and ever, I finally realized I was not dead.  However, if I was, i reasoned within me, I might as well perhaps see a little of where I was.  Curiosity took over me.  I decided, if I must die, I might as well die with just one peak.  I barely started opening my eyes.  The greenish blueish looking floor was amazing to behold, so pure, so crystal clear, so mesmerizing!  Still being NOT dead, a little courage built up within me. I had to look.  I began to look up, up to where I knew the Throne would be.

My gaze moved to the throne, and I saw His feet.  Fear gripped me, but it was not being scared of what I was  beholding, but rather fear of reverence and recognition just how unworthy I truely was.  I am about to die is what I thought to myself.  I looked a little higher up and saw the ankles and calves.  Such strength!  Chiseled, bronzed. The hem of His white robe, such splendor from it!  I was dead and I knew it…and then it ended.

I don't know how long I was there.  All I know is that I had started at a random worship service being held on a random weekday gathering, and now I was back, and the worship service was over.  My friends that were with me said the service lasted hours!  One friend said everyone in the gathering dare not touch me as my screaming began, and no one dare come near me, as a holy fear gripped people that came near by body.  He said suddenly the screaming stopped and he knew I was no longer on earth.  Many hours had passed by on earth, but to me, it seemed it all lasted a few minutes.

It is with great fear that I share this, as I had not expected at all to share this very personal and intense experience.  Recalling it, still grips my throat and from within i tremble.  But the Spirit of the Lord insisted I write it down and tell of what happened AFTER the experience.

Since that experience, I was unable to sing, ask for, pray for “His glory.”  When I heard such things in prayer meetings, in worship gatherings, or songs, I often had to leave them out of the fear that entered me.  “You really DON'T know what you are asking for!”  I would say within me, as I made sure I kept my hands down and dare not ask for it.  “If you really knew, you would not be asking for such a thing!”  Would be what my heart echoed.  For the longest of time, I did not dare even think of going back, much less ask for it.  I would not answer any altar calls for people that wanted “more.”  I would even change tracks or stations if any mention of “seeing God’s glory” happen while listening to music or speeches.  This lasted for years.  I would say within myself,  “if you only knew, if you really knew what you are asking for, you would NOT ask for such a thing.”

The days passed and finally I was able to speak to a prophet about it.  I was telling him the details and suddenly he stopped me.  "What did you say?"  So I restarted retailing the scene, and once again he halted me.  He said "no, no, not that.  What did you said you HEARD?"  Well I told him what I had heard the voices SAY, "Holy Holy is the Lord, who was and is and is to come"  Then he stopped me again, and interjected, "Oh I know you been there."  I was befuddled, as I didn't understand.  He then open up the scripture and told me to read it, and there it was.  He went on to explain to me how many people came to him telling him of their "experiences" and all would describe what was the popular belief of their time.   He explain to me almost everyone would describe the singing and chorus of the phrase, and almost no one describe them SAYING it.  I went on to explain to him, why would I say something I didn't experience?  I don't understand why people would.  He mention that that's how he knew I really had been there.  My understanding of WHY, would come as time passed.

As years have passed, my understanding of what occurred has unfolded little by little.  I can say that truly it is a frightful thing to be in the hands of a living God.  Even though since that time, I have made choices to move foolishly on my own in many areas of life and have definitely NOT lived a pure and holy life, the fear of that experience still was been seared within me.  Since then, the knowledge that there was a point that if HE spoke from that place, I would have no choice but to obey whatever He commanded from whatever or wherever I was.  The fear of the knowledge that He is God and there is nothing above Him, had been etched/ burned into the core of me.  Now I knew to my bones, that HE alone is God and what He commands, will be accomplished.  This reality and knowledge I could no longer deny.  Now I see that even with all my rebellion and wandering ways, all my stubbornness and compromising ways, WHEN He speaks, one MUST obey, for He is GOD and I am not.

So many songs written throughout the ages, so many examples of people crying out to see God’s Glory.  They echo the sentiment of what Moses asked.  Moses cried out “Show me your Glory!”  God told him NO, for it would have destroyed him.

Somehow, what has been focused on by many is the ask, and not the reply.  The ask has transformed from a single request of Moses, to a demand by those that call themselves by His Name.  Somewhere along the way, the “Glory of God” has become something of an expected “mandate” and “right.”  So many songs and sermons of experiencing the “Glory of God” are sung throughout the world.  If we really knew what we were asking for, I do not think so many voices would be saying what they are saying.  If we really understood the price of such an ask, I dare say many would shut their mouth and weep in terror and fear.  God changes not.  What God said, still remains, that none can see Him and live.

We see this in the practical with the Ark of the Covenant, in the Holy of Holies, there was NO light source, just the ark.  The high priest alone could go there after much cleansing and strict adherence of protocols.  The result of any deviation was instant death.  Someone tried to save the Ark being trasported on a cart from falling, and instantly was killed as he began to secure it.  The Ark was only supposed to be transported by priest on poles not on a cart.  The disrespect of the stated protocol, the Holy, brought instant judgment, for the Glory of God is not to be mocked.

There is a very interesting phenomenon that occurs with paint colors.  This is in particular obvious with what many call the color “white.”  Any paint labeled “white” looks “white” when seen by itself.  The moment a different white paint from a different batch, maker, or store is compared to the original sample, one will look “whiter” than the other.  Because of this reality, we have many many shades of “white.”  Ivory, antique, chiffon, frost, and porcelain are just a few names of the different shades of “white”.  In order to see the difference, two things are needed.  The first is an object of comparison, the second is light.

In the Revelation of Jesus Christ, this declaration of Jesus is written, “Buy from Me a WHITE robe.”  This is the baseline comparison of what we are to compare all other things to.  Any other garment of our own shade of white will look like filthy dirty rags when compared to it.  And how could one compare the different shades without light?  It is HIS light that shines down and reveals the truth of what is white.  That is why Jesus commands to buy FROM Him a white robe as it is the ONLY white robe that would pass inspection.

God’s Glory shines and illuminates EVERYTHING.  There is truly no shadow of turning.  EVERYTHING is exposed, inside and outside of oneself.  The closer the Glory of God descends, the higher the intensity, the lesser amount of grays that can remain.  In HIS Glory, shadows that many rely to hide things, to prevent the exposure of things, vanish.  Many are okay with “the glory of God” when it is a billion miles away.  Just like the sun on earth, high noon is vastly different from midnight.  The sun is still shining, but there is relief in the shadows of midnight of inspection light of the sun and its intensity.

Many think they have experienced the Glory of God in their lives and gleefully tell of it, as if it was a great birthday cake with candles on it.  But in reality it is a glimpse of a faint whisper of light from a billion billion billion miles away that has been experienced.  Why do I write that?  For The Glory, if truly experienced, would not be spoken of without an element of fear and trembling.  For it is written that Wisdom begins with the Fear of the Lord.  Yet many raise their hands, cry out many hours of songs and prayers “to see God’s glory”  But if they really understood what they are asking for, if they really comprehended what being close to the Glory meant, they would not say anything at all.  If we really knew what it meant, the immediate exposure to anything NOT of Him within us, many things would change how gatherings looked almost immediately.  Many many gatherings would be filled not with man made experiences but rather with reverence and fear of whom they serve. 

It is written that the prophet was deemed worthy to be brought up to the throne room.  Yet even so, Isaiah trembled in fear and said, “woe is me, for I am a man of unclean lips and live among unclean people.”  You see even with all his righteousness and obedience as a prophet of God, when he was brought up to the Light of the throne room, all his “white” was nothing but dirty rags.  He recognized that even if he himself was “white” he took ownership of the dirt of the people whom he lived among.

This is why the Glory of God is a protocol of the Kingdom,  because it reveals ALL and there is no shadow to hide behind.  It reveals the truth of purity and righteousness of the garments being worn.  It exposes the intentions and truth of a matter.  

The danger many face is that they think they have experienced THE Glory.  In reality it was just a faint whiff of a fragrance from thousands of miles away.  After all, the BONES of a long gone prophet that had experience His glory, brought back a dead man to life!  Since it is God’s glory, even from thousands of miles away, they “feel” the effects/presence of it with an intensity and gravity they have never felt before. 

Many fast, pray, sit in vigil, study and beg God for this Glory to come down.  Very few truly understand the repercussions of this.  Moses' consequences for experiencing the level he did was that he did not get to enter the promised land.  Saul lost the kingdom for himself, his family and a whole nation.  One man fell dead trying to touch the Ark.  Ananias and Saphia faced immediate judgment.  The closer the Glory of God comes, the more it exposes what is NOT like him.  The closer the glory comes, the higher the intensity of His light shines on a matter.

This is one of the things that the ripping of the veil exposed at the death of Jesus.  Notice what is NOT written or recorded of that event?  No one is recorded as falling dead when they looked into the Holy of Holies. Why?  Cause the fraud, the masquerade of the high priest was exposed for all to see.  It is written that if the high priest tears his garments the priesthood would be lifted from him.  And that is exactly what had occurred.   At the questioning of Jesus, the high priest tore his garment and at that moment the priesthood was lifted from him.  When the veil was torn top to bottom, none are recorded as dying, cause the Ark was not there!  The glory was not there.  The veil was ripped to expose the pretense of hearing from God and knowing Him.  It was ripped to EXPOSE for all to see that all the pomp and circumstance and rituals being performed were not to present to His Glory, but to elevate a priesthood full of pride, lies, and far from God.  Jesus then became Our true High Priest and presented the final living sacrifice unto the throne, the Glory of God, to declare “It is finished!”

This is why there is a danger there of.  Cause asking for HIS Glory to come, is really asking for Him to reveal all that is NOT like Him AND for the immediate repercussion of the transgressions revealed.  God is not mocked, what is sewn will be reaped.  This is why the Fear of The Lord is so needed in the land.  It is not fear from God, but OF who He is and the purity and righteousness within him.  It is a respect and reverence of the sacrifice presented into His Glory.  One that is beyond any white or shade of white man could ever do.  One that out of reverence to the Holy, says, search me Oh Lord and see if there is any evil thing within me.

The beginning of Wisdom is indeed the Fear of God.  The Glory is indeed a protocol of the Kingdom for the mature child of God.  It is this begining, this FEAR of God, that allows the mature child to express God's glory on earth, to demonstrate HIS Kingdom unto the earth.  This is what Jesus did and demonstrated while on earth.  He declared, "This gospel of the Kingdom shall be preached in all the earth and then the end."  The Glory of God is a protocol of the Kingdom and it does come with an authority and power to demonstrate His Kingdom.  However there is a price to pay if one is to experience and carry it.

Paul wrote about the price.  He received a word of knowledge of his pending death if he continue to Rome.  Paul had a choice to make.  He could take the warning as either a confirmation or a rebuke.  Paul knowing the voice of His King, having experienced the glory of God, revealed what exactly is the price to pay. 

He said, "Never the less, I go."